Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Who decides?

"What do you want to do?" Deji asked me. We've walked this road 3 times already so i know he isn't asking for what i really want in actual fact. He's indirectly telling me he doesn't want it. "Don't ask me what i want to do Deji,you're the man and your stance actually defines everything so I'm asking you right back,WHAT DO YOU WANT"? I yelled back at him.

"Deola,you've always known my stance,so don't ask me.That's why I'm asking what do you want to do". I was bewildered. I felt stupid,used....I could have shot him if i had a gun close to me. How could he? How could Deji tell me he always had a stance? A stance? I broke down in tears.

Deji and I started dating in 2007. He'd just started a job with a private secondary school. He wasn't earning a fat salary but love has always been my topmost priority so i plunged headlong into it. I on the other hand just got a job with the civil service so we were just managing...

If you've never had an abortion before,you're very lucky. It's a traumatizing experience that will haunt one for a very long time. Apart from the physical pain,the psychological trauma is out of this world.Forgiving oneself is another issue entirely. You'll never feel comfortable every time your menstrual period shows up;because you'll feel you'll never 'miss it'. You'll feel punished every time something goes wrong for you.

If i knew all these,why did i go ahead with the second,then third one? You'll think me stupid if i told you the second one was for love.........

So,who should be blamed for an unwanted pregnancy? Is it the guy who said he couldn't climax with a condom or the girl who got tired of using contraceptives?On the other hand,who decides if a child will come into this world? Or better still,who has the ultimate say on abortion?


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  2. I'll say using drugs for a lady is not a good option,but wen they both know its not yet time...wats condom there for attimes d guy might decide to playsafe but its risky belive me hv been there....so i will just say to prevent.crisis is better than managing it....lets settle wit condom for d mean time...tenchu

  3. You knw...attimes some decisions are hard to make bt when there's no choice,we just have to...To me the male nt using condom, female tired of drugs...it's better to stay without sex...3 time abortion nd if there's another mistake...i'm nt sure of wat might happen...

  4. Well, love isn't blind anymore!! The first time is understandable but the subsequent one was foolhardy... At least they've both been working for a while, they should be able to afford a modest wedding if Deji was really interested in walking down the aisle with her.
    The ultimate decision on what to do with the baby has to be decided by Deola because she has to live with her choice(s) and maybe opting out of the relationship and re-evaluating her priorities might be a step in the right direction.

  5. infact it must not happen again, so 2 of them shld go separate ways nd work properly till the time they are ready to marry until dey ave sex again.

  6. 1st abortion - Both of them
    2nd - The Useless dude
    3rd - The stupid girl

  7. Very compelling story. Sad to say this happens everyday and sadder that you end up losing the very thing you desperately try to protect. May God help every lady who has had an abortion to receive His love and forgiveness plus the grace to move on and be wise. Amen!

  8. I'll say when in luv, u av 2 b wise nd shine ur eyes. Being in luv culd b a weak poing nd wuld want 2 do anyfin 2 please ur partner even @ ur own detriment. As it is nw, d surest way 2 prevent dis shit is d ATM(Abstinence Till Marriage). Though,its quite difficult 2 abstain bt it's possible nd U can. May God heal d heart wound of dose who av bn in dis mess!

  9. abortion is a very touchy topic. And sensitive too... But personally, I think the lady should be allowed to decid what she wants. She'll be the one who will have to live with the implication of her decision if she does decide to do it. Giving that the open even came up at all means only that the guy doesn't want to be a father yet. The lady therefore either decides to be a single parent, or live with the emotional guilt of an abortion. I think it's irresponsible of guys to actually enjoy the sex, and then ask the girl to go for an abortion. Why didn't he take precautions?