Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Wedding Dogmas

“The funny thing is that although we place so much energy and importance on our wedding
day, it isn’t the most important day of our life. The biggest day of your life is
every day thereafter. Because it is not the pledge to love someone that matters,
but the act of fulfilling that pledge that is most important. In other words, it’s
only just begun.”
- Laura Wolf, Diary of a Mad Bride.

It’s slow internet day at work which means it’s not a productive day. My vendors
are getting on my nerves; they all decided to show me their inefficient side on the
same day and almost at the same time. I honestly can’t wait to get home.
You see,I’m planning my wedding for the later part of 2013 and I told myself I wouldn’t be getting a
planner strictly because I don't intend splurging on one. Personally I think getting an wedding planner is a luxury. This post isn’t about planning a wedding
by the way.

When it comes to weddings, a lot of people (friends and family) expect you to do
things the ‘normal’ way. Normal in the sense that, you must do everything the way
it’s done; wear an ivory dress (ball or mermaid), have a train, have a page boy,
aso ebi etc. I always ask myself, where did these dogmas come from? What/Who defines
‘normal???” Normal to Miss A can’t be normal to Miss C because they’re just different
people. The saddest part (to me) is, having to explain to people why you want to
do things your own way.

I’ve always told people around me that I don’t intend having
a bridal train.My mum doesn’t like the idea of me not having one (the title itself irritates me).
I remember telling her in March that I won’t be having a bridal train. She gave me
a look that made me think a nipple just sprouted on my forehead. She and my fiancé
couldn’t understand why. Hubby says he wants a train (groomsmen) and I said go ahead
but he says he can’t have if I don’t but I disagree. There’s no time they’ll have
to walk in together. The groomsmen walk in to the church with the groom while the
bride (if she has) walks in with hers. At the end of the church service, we all file
out with the choir and ministers so it won’t be that odd. At the reception nko? Don’t
worry, my friends in their beautiful and well sewn aso ebi will rise up and dance
with us as we walk into the reception! Shikena! He sulks over it once in a while
but trust me, I can’t be bothered. I'm not against him having a train.

I also feel it’s a waste of resources on the part of the train. Not like they get
to wear the outfit to several events. And sometimes, the prices are simply obscene.
Someone told me about a bride whom her train paid 100k for their dress/shoes/hair.
Same bride will complain about aso ebi. Dearie, you’re worse! I’ve been on a bridal
train three times. One was nice and the other two were just nightmares. I eventually
gave out the outfits shortly after. About 60k went to unexpected charity just like that!

I don’t want a little bride also. What exactly is the role of that little child?
Plain decoration! Cancelled! What next? Ring bearer. No, I’ll pass. Not like they
carry the expensive ring though. So why do we even have them? Another decoration like
bridal train and little bride. Cancelled!

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s silly to have a bridal train – I just
don’t want one. Everyone is entitled to what he/she wants.

My mum said I’m not exposed (o ti e laju rara) and I agree. I know what I want and
I won’t allow some people come live their fantasies through my wedding.

How about you share the dogmas associated with wedding ceremonies that you won’t
have at your wedding?

On the other hand, if you got married without all the ‘feferiti’ (drama) associated
with weddings, kindly share your story with me.


  1. I sooo agree that " to each his... Or in this case, Her own" it's your big day so everyone should be allowed to do what makes them happy on their big day especially if it will cut unnecessary cost :-)

  2. Nike you really are a woman after my heart. Wish I had met you sooner but even the last rays of the sun before it sets still illuminate the world. Shine bright wherever you are! God bless you and Happy Married Life!

  3. i agree with you completely!I'm single but when i'm getting married, i don't want any little kids. I dont even want aso-ebi, just 2 color codes. Let people wear whatever they have. I want 1 bridesmaid,1 groomsman and my nephew will be ringbearer. He is in SS2 right now so you can imagine. I want to rent one hall, have the minister join us there and then we proceed immediately to the reception. No stress abeg. Why do we incovenience ourselves and others in the name of wedding?

  4. U nailed it with ur wedding dogmas... I'm not married yet but I just hate dat ppl always go the whole mile trying to out do and impress on lookers with there weddings. Its so ridiculous bcos the whole drama dies down in a couple of hours..

  5. I was the same way as you but got my way! No bridal train for me other than an MOH and a best man for the hubby. The way people were shocked though, you'd have thought they thought bridal train was mandated by the bible!

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