Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Is Marriage an Achievement?

I was at the supermarket some days back and two ladies were fighting; the yam-pepper-scatter-scatter type and Lady A said to Lady B, "I'm married,you're not. So therefore,I'm not your mate". I had to pinch myself back to reality because i never thought any sane woman could actually say that to another. Now, let's rewind to Tuesday 27th September 2011. We all woke up and logged on to twitter to read the story of a certain Amara who decided to tell all the single ladies why they are single http://lindaikeji.blogspot.com/2011/09/reasons-you-are-not-married-written-by.html .Was i surprised? Not really. I was just disappointed that the article was actually written by a woman. We (women) are our worst enemies. When was the last time a man harassed a woman for not being married? You're trying to remember right? Well,that's because it's very rare. Women are the ones who keep passing snide remarks about who's not married and why she's not;Aunties,female colleagues,pastor's wives etc.

I threw this question out on my radio show and to be candid,95% of the contributors opined that marriage sure is an achievement. In fact a caller told the story of her friend who got married at the age of 37. In her words, before the 'friend' got married,she was 'looked down upon' and disrespected but when she got married, 'people were rejoicing and THANKING GOD FOR HER LIFE'!! I almost asked if she was kidding me. Thanking God for her life like she'd been cured of Cancer or AIDS! Someone even sent me a text saying "get a man and be respected". Haba! It's not easy being a single lady i guess.
A male friend told me about a training he handled sometime ago and he was talking about rewarding staff after certain achievements and someone responded "e.g when they get married". He had to bring out a dictionary to read out the meaning of the word achievement to the whole room.

I know marriage is a great institution and that's if you find the right woman/man. How about the kids? That's another reason for me to love marriage. But I'll really love and appreciate it when people respect you for who you are,irrespective of your status. Some people are single because they CHOOSE to be single. Others want to get married someday but the right man is yet to come their way. After all,the Bible says 'He who FINDS a wife has found a good thing'.The man should do the FINDING and not the other way round.
The society has not been fair to singles (females please) and it's high time we spoke about it. Family (aunties) won't let you rest,church will keep praying for you,colleagues will keep passing snide remarks before and behind you.How about the online community? Just don't go there. Not with people like "Aunty Amara" who knows why I am single.
Please don't get me wrong,I'm in no way against the marriage institution. I'm only against any forceful 'entry' if you get my drift. Unfortunately,those asking why you aren't married won't bother to ask how far with your marriage when you finally do. Well,they can't be bothered;they've moved on to the next 'prey'. The society has put so much pressure on single ladies,that's why at most weddings,the brides always look stunning and the grooms,stunned (just joking). But brides are always more excited than the grooms,especially the older brides.
One thing i always say is this;I will marry because i WANT to and not because i HAVE to.
Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities,yes we know, but does that make it an achievement? Is it a measure of success? What do you think?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. A marriage certificate has turned to the silent accessory on your CV. Some companies wont hire a single woman cos they fear she'll get married and resign at any moment. Please need to lay off this shii!A marriage certificate has turned to the silent accessory on your CV. Some companies wont hire a single woman cos they fear she'll get married and resign at any moment. Please need to lay off this shii!

  3. I'm pretty sick of the "debate" over wifehood & singledom. Get over it. You're doing the very same thing you accuse others of doing...that is pitting women against each other because of status. Let it be. There's no need to defend your singleness to anyone, unless you yourself carry some insecurities about your status, which you shouldn't. Same as there's no need for a married woman to defend her being married to anyone, please don't be a part of the rhetoric that wants to pit women against each other.

    Instead be confident enough in your life to be able to serve as examples to your aunts anyone else that comments on your love life that happiness is found within and cannot be granted to you by anyone, surely not your spouse whenever or if ever you meet your life mate. There's no need to tear your sisters down to make a point. Yes, some women are married, were not forced into marriage as it were, are incredibly happy with their mates, and work their damned hardest to keep their relationship and family alive. That is no small feat and should be commended by anyone regardless of status or gender. But that is just by the by. A single woman working hard, keeping her home, especially in Nigeria is also to be commended, which is also by the by. That's life.

    Instead challenge yourself to celebrate women for all our struggles in whatever way it manifests itself in life. Don't get sucked into identifying yourself as single as I'm sure that's not the most interesting thing about you, just like being married is not the most interesting thing about anybody.

  4. Great read and so apt too. Society really needs to be less disrespectful to singles ladies. The pressure is driving single ladies into the arms of the wrong people causing a rise in divorce. There really are women out there who would rather remain single and they shouldn't be looked down on. On the other hand, there are those who do want marriage and kids and just haven't met the right person. No one is better than anyone else just because they have a wedding band and neither can you get money from the bank with a marriage certificate!

  5. D most ridiculous part is when 'they' begin 2 say Ur spirit is unattractive 2 men. As d 'yorubas' implies as 'kò ní orí oko'. Marriage is a life time contract. When u rush in, u rush out. Nd I bliv its beta 2 b a single lady 4 a lil long period than 2 b a divorcee!

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